Admitting We Have a Problem

You know how at AA meetings they say the first step is realizing you are an addict. Actually I have never been to one of those meetings, so I don’t know. Maybe it is the first step is admitting you are an addict. Ok, so this doesn’t seem like it is going to be very credible, but hang on for just a second…Follow me… There is something extremely relieving and frustrating about admitting the problem. There is a refreshing feeling because you have identified a problem in your life that has been causing you great strife and frustration or discord; BUT you are about to begin a journey to sobriety that will be extremely difficult and life altering. It will change you! That idea is scary and daunting, and that is why there is some fear and frustration of hitting that problem head on.

Have you ever sat at the back of a church and looked out over the congregation and known where all the liberals sit, and where all the conservatives sit. I remember my teen years were spent attending an octagon shaped sanctuary. It had beautiful pillars that jutted out from the ceiling and connected to the walls in eight different corners of the sanctuary. There was a gorgeous carved canvas of wood that hung in front of an elevated baptistery at the front of the church. It had four symbols of Christ: lion, lamb, vine, and bread. The sanctuary was a proud room where everyone there felt that they owned a piece of wood on the wall or under their toosh. It made for a very interesting place, like a room full of members of the senate. The republicans and democrats all spread throughout the room hoping not to give ground to the opposition because this room was theirs! They would try to pass bills and legislation but there would be a counter argument to sway just enough votes so that nothing would change. If change was a possibility because a member of one of the parties didn’t show up for the vote, a great filibuster would be installed hoping to hold off the vote until they could get enough people to the board room to table the subject.

The funny thing is that I could walk into that church and tell you exactly where everyone would be sitting before I got there. Maybe you know what I’m talking about because your church is the same way. The same Liberal families sit on one side, and the same conservative families sit on the other side. The same splinters of truth show up to board meeting so that they can vote against each other and have nothing change. The same conservative families express great concern for the programs that are just a little too risque. The same liberal families try to clap louder in the sanctuary so that Jesus can hear them better. There is this huge tension that exists. There is a great divide in the room. It’s like there is an unseen being that causes everyone in the church to stay close; because you keep your friends close, but you keep your enemies closer.

I think the problem begins at our beliefs and our valiant attempts to make sure they stay in tact. Unmoved. Unchanged. Unwavering. Stone. This causes a problem with Unity as we bash each other, or conform to the way of separation. We have a problem with Fear. We have a problem with Selfishness. We have a problem with Ego. All these problems are basically because of shame. Before I go explaining this “main problem” that I believe exist and scaring all the older/non-postmodern minds, let me first illustrate using a few examples of exactly the type of problems that we create.

Fake yet Real Story 1:

Tom and Randy are in church school class before the worship service begins. The topic is the return of Jesus Christ (really it could be ANYTHING you want). Tom believes that Jesus will secretly rapture his people to heaven before he returns visibly. Randy believes that Jesus will not perform a secret rapture, but will only return visibly after the church goes through the great tribulation. Let’s say for the purpose of this story that Randy’s belief is more orthodox and in line with what the institution they both belong to believes. As they are discussing this topic it becomes more heated as each believes that his idea is “The Truth!” The rest of the room sometimes is in on the debate, but mostly it is the two men that have taken “their swords” and chopped at each other with strong words like, “you can’t be a part of this church and believe that” and “you shouldn’t be allowed to teach” and “you are so closed minded” and “you don’t even understand the simple things of scripture”. Here is where it get’s good. Randy sits on the board, and when Tom’s name comes up to teach a class for church, Randy objects saying that there are some “serious” issues with Tom’s theology, so Tom never gets an opportunity to be part of the moving body of Christ.

There are so many problems with this. Both guys are scared that the other guy is way off. They are scared that they themselves could be wrong. They are scared that the other might get into the minds of others in the church, or God Forbid…their children. They are trying to divide and sever like a surgeon at work on a tumor. They keep a good eye on each other after that. They know where the other sits in the sanctuary, and if you think for a moment that they are going to do ministry together on purpose, boy are you a whack job. They wouldn’t even invite the other over for lunch….yeah that’s right, they don’t even deserve lunch. In fact they probably don’t eat…no…they aren’t even human…wait, are they a demon in disguise tempting me and trying to get me to falter in my beliefs? Yeah, I heard somewhere that demon’s do stuff like that. Oh wow, I better be careful not to fall into that FALSE belief. My belief must be true! Boy I did a good job standing up for my beliefs! Unchanging. Unwavering. Unmoved. Stone. (inside of course there is the good feeling that comes with “standing up for Jesus”)

Fake yet Real Story 2:

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guy brings girl to church. Guy never went to church much himself since he got out of school. Guy knows everything like how to dress and what to say and who to stay away from. Girl never went to church before. Girl doesn’t have church clothes. Girl wears small skirt, lots of beautiful makeup, her best jewelry, and high heels. Guy picks up girl but doesn’t want girl to get angry at him for telling her to change (guys you know what I’m talking about). Girl goes to front door where greeter is really nice. Before church ends the truth comes by in the form of a “I’m standing up for Jesus” grey head. Grey head tells girl all the problems with her outer appearance. Girl is embarrassed and angry, but that’s ok, because Grey head feels good for proclaiming the truth! Another victory for the truth. Unchanging. Unwavering. Unmoved. Stone.

I need to get a little more simple with what I’m saying.

Fake yet Real Story 3:

A smoker comes into church struggling with what he should be doing in his life to get closer to God. We tell him to stop smoking instead of telling him how to journey with Jesus. He’s going to feel judged not helped.

Fake yet Real Story 4:

Our children tell us something that they learned that we are SURE is wrong and so we tell them why it is wrong instead of encouraging their journey for truth.

The Main Problem:

Shame. One of my professors in Undergrad said that people more often than not act out of fear of shame than out of their own desires. It is true to me. I see people wear certain clothes because they don’t want to be weird. I see people that act weird because they want to fit in with the weirdos. I see people keep their mouth shut when around someone that knows more because they don’t want to be found wrong. I see people standing up for things that they visibly know is wrong because they have a genuine deep fear of shame that will come from being wrong. It is as if they believe that someone will be standing over them after they admit defeat and laugh in their face or gloat; and all the eyes of the universe will look at them and see them as stupid and unoriginal and just plain wrong. They would rather argue while they have a glimmer of hope at “being right” than bear the shame of being wrong. They would rather chop off the arm of Christ than be wrong. Besides, it feels good to divide. It feels like you are being a martyr for “the truth,” which of course is YOUR truth. Usually martyrdom never had to occur, but rather it was a created situation because people are afraid of shame. Some of the same people that say you shouldn’t base your relationship with Jesus on feelings, base their level at which they have exercised their faith on feelings. Have they pointed out where others are wrong enough recently to have felt that they are right and driven away the possibility of feeling shame. Have they argued against the “other party” enough recently to have their truth become more clearly The Truth.

The Truth:

The truth is that there is Absolute Truth! The truth is also that God is the only one that knows the absolute truth. The truth is that we are scared of the things that we don’t know. The truth is that we are afraid of being wrong. We don’t know how Jesus is going to come back. I know many of us think we do, but if you really are honest with yourself, you will realize that you only know your interpretation of texts 2000 years old in different languages interpreted the best way you can see. This is exactly the same problem that the people that disagree with you have. So the second coming sometimes scares us, and it especially scares us when someone goes acting like it is going to happen some different way than we think that it is. All our beliefs cause us fear because they may not be true, and if they aren’t true then we will have to admit we are wrong, and face……..Shame…… What is going to happen when we get to heaven and God starts pointing out all of the things everyone got right and wrong? Will there be lots of shame? The truth is that our absolute truth is only what we know and choose to believe right now. Are all the people that disagree with us wrong? Who knows. But usually we think they are, and that causes argument and division, instead of conversation and understanding. The truth is that we are much better at dividing ourselves when we “stand up for what we believe” than we are at creating unity. The truth is that “our truth” is a dividing problem. We have a problem.

The first step to being able to take a stand in the right way is admitting that we have this massive problem of division in our hearts and our churches because of our fear of shame.