Our Journey

When I was about 14 or 15 years old I was a studmuffin basketball player. I am a decent basketball player now, but back then I was incredible. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a better basketball player now than I was then, but for my age I was a dominate figure. I think it was because I was 6 foot and 145 lbs. When you are that age, that is gigantic and the perfect shooting height. I had a couple of college neighbors that lived up the street and they would invite me up to play ball. They very much thought they were ladies men. I think they felt the full excitement about their age and opportunities where they went to school and worked. These guys were pretty close friends, and they would hang out together all the time. We played 21, and sometimes we played 2 on 2 if we could find another person. They let me play with them because I was good enough at my age to keep up with them on defense, and I could also score.

One afternoon I walked out my front door and it was a beautiful spring day. The birds were chirping, and my body felt like it was made for basketball particularly that day. I decided to head up to Scott’s house. I dribbled my ball up the gravel road and went up to the door. As I was approaching the doorway I saw the door begin to open. I almost fell flat on my butt. My throat closed up and I became sweaty. My palms started to feel clammy and I knew I had met the definition of beauty. This 5 foot 6 inch college girl was swinging the door open. As the door open her hair blew backwards and yet it seemed as if the camera was zooming in on her at the same time. I am sure she saw me picking up my jaw off the ground because I got a smirky smile from her as she walked by looking very hot.

I watched her get into her car and leave. I then turned to see Scott laughing at me as I was still caught up in her flipping hair and perfectly curvy body. I told him to shut up and that she was smoking hot. He told me that he completely agreed. I got the feeling that he was interested, and so I tauntingly asked him, “So bro, that your girl?” “No man.” He replied. I came back with, “Oh, so your just hooking up with her then.” He looked at me a little disgusted. I didn’t expect that, so I continued, “Oh snap, she won’t give you none. haha!” (I was a little uncouth and irreligious in my comments). Scott actually stopped making the sandwich he was making on the island in his kitchen and looked at me. I thought he was going to be ticked at me. Maybe he would come over the counter and tackle me. He was the type of guy that wouldn’t have a problem wrestling me to the ground and “teaching me a lesson.” (of course all in good fun). Instead he surprised me and said, “If she actually was even willing to have sex with me, I would lose a lot of respect for her. In fact, I wouldn’t sleep with her even if she wanted to.” I was blown away! “What?! She is so hot though. How could you not?” He answered, “She is different from me, and she wants other things. I appreciate her for who she is and who she wants to be. I wouldn’t want to mess up that, or our friendship.”

This is the idea that speaks to the post-modern mindset of community accountability. Accountability. Accountability. It almost seems like post-moderns don’t have a means of holding each other accountable. How do you allow for people to be whoever they want to be and still hold them accountable. The Bible speaks about accountability. Frequently we take our examples of accountability from stories like Jonah and the Whale (big fish). We attack people with issues they are not doing right and try to hold them accountable to our institution, or our leader, or our own personal convictions. I’m going to spend a whole chapter dealing with problems, but the focus of this chapter is understanding how we are supposed to journey together, “Our Journey.”

Without a doubt the Bible clearly wants us to journey together! I believe that. The trick is understanding the difference between “My Journey” and “Our Journey”. My journey is where I am learning and growing and journeying with Christ. Our journey is where YOU hold ME accountable for MY convictions. In my story, Scott was a friend with a person that wasn’t like him in where he was going, what he was doing, or who he was. Yet, they were still friends. They hung out together, communicated over phone and email, and shared in the journey of life. However, they did not look down on each other for their actions. They did not condemn each other for being different and holding different values from themselves. Most importantly, they didn’t expect the other person to be the person they are.

The same approach is the approach we should have with each other in our relationships. I shouldn’t be condemning someone for something they are not convicted of. I should qualify that a little bit. Someone that is searching after Jesus, and has begun a walk with Him, doesn’t need me telling them all that they are doing wrong, or even one thing they are doing wrong. Instead I should be asking them with what they are working with Jesus on right now. I can then give support, encouragement, accountability, and inspiration to help them in their journey. It is my task to encourage them on THEIR journey, and hold them accountable for THEIR convictions, and help them to stand up for what THEY believe. They should be encouraging me on MY journey, and holding me accountable for MY convictions, and help me stand up for what I believe. This is “Our Journey” that we are on! This takes out the people that want to point out where people are failing, because they won’t know what someone is working on unless they have a relationship with them.

To sum up, let me say this: If you come to me and ask me to help you, I will. But I’m not going to tell you where you are failing…until you ask.

Learning to Stand

I am taking a class called Revelation, Inspiration, and Hermeneutics. I don't claim to be anything special, but this was reassurance to me that my attempt to write a book is worth it. Dr. Fernando Canale, who I disagree with on tons of points, pointed out that no one has addressed a way of approach for Adventists to the scriptures. That is a large part of what I'm going to try to do.

I plan to of course represent my Post-Modern bias, but fully develop the need for religious tolerance, multiple interpretations, and our own personal commitment to our personal conclusions. It will be about learning how to stand up for what you believe without causing division between you and someone else in the church.

Probably no one will read it, but I will write it anyhow.

My Journey

I have had many friends come up to me over the years of my life speaking of their issues in Pornography. To them this is sin, and to me this is sin, so I will continue to refer to it as such. I believe that I can count on my hands and toes the amount of times that I have sought out pictures or videos of naked humans. I think that half of those times might have been pretty early in my adolescence and the curiosity of nudity was mysterious and tantalizing. Even then I wasn’t that interested. I remember the very first time I saw a naked woman in a magazine.

I was probably 13 years old, and I was walking with my cousin Lou through some woods in Federalsburg MD. This was a bizarre patch of woods, because I remember roads surrounding it, and it wasn’t really close to anything except roads. We were tramping through them and as we were walking Lou pointed to the ground and said there was the remains of a magazine that hadn’t burnt all the way in the fire. We walked over to it, and bent down. There were enough sheets for both of us to have a couple. The imprinting laser began in my brain and never have I forgotten what was on that paper. I remember that Lou was unimpressed and walked away. I stayed and analyzed these pictures like George the monkey. Soon Lou yelled for me to come, and like a dog I was away, but I brought the sheets with me. Eventually I dropped them by the way because I felt I had absorbed all the information for that time, and I didn’t really think much more of it.

I wasn’t really captivated by that experience and craving more like so many men are. I was more curious and when my curiosity had been filled, and I felt like I understood, then pictures of nudity have done little to ensnare me. I know that this is gift from God. I believe it with all my heart, because this is something that is the bane of many, young and old. The reason I note this is because I am very good friends with many people that struggle with this sin. I am also very close with many who don’t struggle with this because they don’t believe it to be sin. It is very easy for me not to condemn them because I realize that wherever they are on that path, it is probably different than where I am on that path. I also realize that in this particular sin, I can’t empathize with them. However, when they come to me and ask me to help them with accountability, then I am more than willing and happy to help. It is an obligation for me to support them on their journey. No, it is my responsibility. If they asked me to join them in it, I would immediately say No. It is not for me to begin a sin for any reason, including peer pressure. I need to stand up for my journey and what I believe. but still in a sense, I journey with them. This is the idea of My Journey vs. Our Journey.

My Journey:

My journey is something that is unique to me. I become convicted of something, and no matter what happens I should stand up for my convictions. I feel like a lot of people are confused about this fact. There are three roads that I see people taking because of their confusion.

The first is to relinquish their position and join whoever or whatever in what they believe to be wrong or sin.This usually comes as a result of peer pressure. Or the desire to no longer try to fight against the carnal nature. And it is one way to find relief when you are overcome with the shame of being noticed for sin. Sometimes it happens because someone thinks they are witnessing by not standing up for what they believe to be right. There are many scenarios where people choose not to stand up for their convictions.

The second is to avoid all together those people that may be different from them in their understanding. Like a person that is Liberal being uncomfortable around a Conservative because they honestly don’t agree. Or to make it even broader, like a right wing republican hanging out with a left wing democrat. The can’t even enjoy each others company because it seems that every conversation turns into an argument. If you were to spend an evening with these opposites, listening to them, it may go something like this: They meet for dinner at a restaurant and the Liberal orders appetizers for both and an entree, while the conservative gets a salad without the meat and no salad dressing, with a side of olive oil and a cut lemon slice. The Liberal is offended because the Conservative won’t eat the appetizer. The Conservative tells him how fat and unhealthy it is with pork in it that causes trichinosis. The conversation lasts a while until they have exhausted all information on earth about the health of the meal and not being so rigid. Later conversation about politics comes up. The Conservative begins with talk about how crazy it is that any Christians would support someone who believes in killing babies and allowing people of the same sex to marry. It is a Christian obligation to vote and support pro-life. The Liberal, of course, parries with the rights of any man to choose what he wants to believe, the basis of the constitution, and the necessity of separation of church and state. They make hurtful remarks basically condemning the other for having an opinion besides their own and then they leave for icecream. The Conservative kindly offers to drive his 1980 pickup truck that gets all of 8 miles to the gallon and is exempt from emissions tests. The Liberal is appalled but keeps his mouth shut about the need to save earth from destruction as the Conservative rants about his love for his truck. When they reach the icecream shop the Liberal orders a respectable cone, but not ridiculous in size, while the Conservative orders a vanilla wafer. The argue once again about why they even came if they weren’t going to enjoy the experience, to which comes the response, “for the conversation.” At this both are silent. Finally the Liberal invites the Conservative home to watch his favorite TV show, to which the Conservative contorts that he doesn’t have a TV because nature is so much more enjoyable than stuffing your head with filth.

I almost wish for their sake they would give up. It is pitiful the words that we speak to each other to burn them for the things that we think they are being to liberal or rigid over. Both of those men can talk about the things that are important to them with love and acceptance if they are both willing. Both of those men can share meaningful time together doing stuff they both appreciate if they are both wanting. If instead of condemnation at the forks in the road, we should be giving each other more than tolerance…admiration. There is nothing saying that a Liberal can’t eat and completely enjoy eating a pig while admiring a well spoken and caring Conservative telling why he personally is convicted that pork is wrong…for him.

The third are those oblivious, just don’t get it, or see the big picture Christians. They often take their journey and project it on others. Maybe they are talking your ear off about religious things without giving heed to social cues while your thinking…look buddy, this is great, but would you shut up already. Maybe they are coming up to you pointing out the things that they think you are doing wrong because of the conviction they feel in their journey. Maybe they are telling you that the institution or person to whom you belong is corrupt and they list all the ways they’ve been wronged, and they tell themselves that they are giving you a “heads up”. And don’t we all know that having someone give us a “heads up” is exactly what we want?

The problem that occurs if we live other peoples journey’s is that we are failing to live up to the person that God wants us to be. So there is the “all about me” conversation. It is fantastic when someone tells you about their views on religion, but if you haven’t journeyed down that road yet, or if you haven’t wrestled with that subject, then they are rattling your ear off for naught. Maybe you are wanting to get into that study but you haven’t yet. This isn’t a post about social cues, so I’ll simply say that some people are hard to talk to (or listen to), and people that aren’t concerned about your journey with Christ. They should be giving you the same courtesy that you give them. Then there is the perpetual “eagle eyes” (great accuser) of the church that comes up to “help” you see the “pit of despond” that you have fallen into “Christian.” (that is a play off of Pilgrim’s Progress). They don’t understand that once again you may not be where they are in their Christianity. What is worse is that you want to point all of their hypocrisies, but boy, that just feels like you are stooping to their level so you don’t, or maybe you do. If you let someone point out everything that you do wrong for the rest of your life, then that person would always be finding something because we are not perfect… and that LITERALLY would be the Devil’s job. Sometimes I wonder if people realize that they are performing the Devil’s job being the accuser of the brethren. Amongst the many other conversations, there are the ones about “who to watch out for.” Now, I would not like to be walking through a field enjoying the flowers and the field and the sunshine and the weather, and not be warned about the cow pie that I’m about to step into. That’s a nice illustration, but somehow people use that all the time as an excuse to point out the bad in others. Isn’t it nice to just live life and experience things for ourselves sometimes? It is very nice when someone points out danger before we enter it. But how often is that illustration construed into an opportunity for a person to talk about how they were “abused” by something or someone else….start the gossip train rolling. If we enter other situations through another’s journey, how does that leave room for us to learn about that person and institution for ourselves and make an objective decision about it? This also makes it difficult to allow room for that person or institution to make any changes.

It is quite unrealistic for us to realize that these conversations, or others like them, won’t happen. They are simply things that we will have to cope with for the rest of our lives. If you understand the difference between the journey that you are on and the journey that they are on, it can give you the power and knowledge of how to handle these situations and many others; without the projection of feelings, beliefs, thoughts, experiences, and still at the same time standing up for where you are in your journey.

My journey is a journey that I am accumulating to the best of MY ability the information given to me to make the best possible decision. That includes the information that the person gives that only cares about talking about themselves. That includes the information that the person points out that I am doing things wrong. That includes the information that the person gives me cautioning me to be weary of someone or something. I gather that information and I study it, and I give it attention and time for my emotions to cool, then I pray that God would give me understanding to take a stand. That becomes something that I am willing to stand up to my closest friend about or the greatest King or my bitterest enemy, until new information has been gathered and I make a better decision. Always you are keeping this information in mind realizing that you may not have enough information to make the perfect decision. That means when the next person comes along preaching the opposite thing, you can be open enough to realize that they actually may be right. Then you follow the same steps to conclude whether they are or not. Even in the midst of that, you can be clear about your current stance and give support for the reasons you are taking that stand and not condemning others for their stands.

A couple of stories about my Dad

When I was about 10 my life revolved around telling my dad that he needed to stop smoking. Ok, maybe it didn’t “revolve” around that, but it had a seriously large roll in it. Many times I would act like I was going to take his cigarettes and throw them in the garbage. He would let me know in words and actions that it wouldn’t end well for me if I did that. Well, the day of course arrived like a perfectly wrapped present. I was ready to test his will. The cigarettes were sitting out on the counter in the basement and he was upstairs. The bathroom was empty. It couldn’t have been a more professional wrapping job.

I grabbed the pack and went into the bathroom. Think!! Umm, what should I do with them. Oh I know, I will flush them down the toilet. One, Two, Three, Fou…NO, I will stop with three and see what happens. I watched as the toilet bowl filled with water and then calmly emptied. The cigarettes were like little mini warships shooting laughter right at my heart. The floated up with the water, and then down with the water, and then back to level with the water. They weren’t going down. Oh no! I thought. This was even worse than before. Now I have to deal with the cigarettes in the toilet and the pack in my hand. Think, THINK!!! The trash….NO, he will find them there. The sink….No, what if they clog it up. The shower….Hey, those aren’t normal sized drainholes in the shower….wait, yeah, they are Cigarette Sized Drainholes!!! VICTORY!! I turned on the shower and started pushing the cigarettes down the perfectly sized holes until they were all gone.

All was well, but wait. What about the three in the toilet, and what if I go upstairs and they heard the shower running. I immediately flushed the toilet again, and to my surprise the cigarettes went down this time like a bunch of defeated Nazi ships. Ok, good, now about the shower. I took my clothes off and hoped inside, then hoped right back out. I grabbed a towel and wiped myself off then put my clothes back on. When I got done I looked around and realized that I still had a huge problem. The packaging. I heard my dad’s voice and I thought my heart would climb out of my mouth and jump in the cold shower to cool it down and slow it from beating. “Time for Dinner boy!” He said. Well, that’s better than, “What the heck are you doing?” “Coming,” I managed to squeak out. I had no choice, I had to hide the packaging somewhere in the basement. I ran out of the bathroom and went to a deep cabinet and moved some glass vases and set the packaging down behind the vases. Then I looked at the stairs. Ok, breathe deeply and walk normally up the stairs.

When I got to the top I experienced rosacea in all it’s glory. Red is the color of lobsters, but I said nothing. Everything inside me hoped that dad had decided then and there to quit smoking cold turkey. The evening went on and dad began the long expected search for his cigarettes. He searched high and low looking for them but couldn’t find them. I remember that at one point he stopped and looked at me. I could feel my ears almost begin to whistle. Then Dad said, “Do you know where my cigarettes are?” I was literally in that moment in much of what I personally believe the fires of hell will be like. The pain and burning inside of me over lying to my dad were overwhelming, and yet my fear of him in that moment was greater, “I don’t know where they are dad. I haven’t seen them anywhere.” Quick lesson in lying…it is harder as a kid, and it gets easier as you grow, and that is a bad thing.

I have to end the story here, because the rest of the story isn’t for you to know. I am not concerned about your desire to hear the end, but rather your ability to understand my intensity about my dad not smoking.

I was hunting with my dad one weekend, and we decided that before we were going to go out, that we needed to go up the mountain and do some repairs to the stands. My dad borrowed a truck and we went up the mountain in Emmitsburg MD near where I grew up. The thorns, tree branches, and sticks on the ground all scratched up the sides of the truck to where my dad was in great stress that they would show to the owner. We purchased some high end car wash and wax and then began to scrub the truck and bathe it in the carnauba hoping that it would reverse our poor decision. Dad lit up a cigarette. Immediately I starting listing problems from smoking and the poor decision that it was to pump your lungs full of this stuff. I am sure that I told him how I wanted him to be around for a long time which means that he would need to change so that he could be. I remember there was a bit of a pause. I don’t remember the time, but of course now it feels like a good while before he spoke. “Can’t you accept me for who I am without trying to change me? Can you love me, right now, for me?”

A foolish person would immediate respond with something to defend their position and continue the division. Maybe they would say, “of course I accept you” or “I do love you now, that is why I am telling you this.” For maybe one of a few times in my life I wasn’t a foolish person. I let the words sink in. I thought about them and mulled over them. I breathed them in and out. I cherished them because my dad was trying to speak to me from his heart. Can you love me for me, right now, if nothing changed, if I smoked forever, if decided to destroy my body, if I get lung cancer and you want to say I told you so, if I go straight to hell because of this decision….could you love me? That question hit me hard and I had to wrestle with all the implications of it. Even now I continually am faced with new epiphanies from the depth of the question that I honestly believe that my dad was just asking because that is what he felt like he should say.

Shame. I put it behind me. You know what? I Was Wrong. My problem was that I wasn’t accepting my dad for who he was, a “smoker.” I decided that I wasn’t going to have that problem anymore. I was going to love him for who he was. That meant letting him live his life. If he wanted me to step in between him and cigarettes than by all means I would, but I was done pestering, fighting, nagging, quoting, and sneaking downstairs to put his cigarettes down the drain. I was done being divisive. I let love flood in where I had created a gulf of separation. I fully embraced him with his cigarettes and every other thing about him that may be different from me. I Love My Dad. It all began with Accepting him.

In retrospect I now realize that my inability to accept him for all of who he was had me go as far as lying which to me seems like a greater sin (one of the 10 commandments). I think what Jesus wanted me to learn from this experience is that I can stand up to the world and say I DO NOT SMOKE! But I can hang around and love people that do. Smoking isn’t for me, because God has revealed to ME that it is wrong and unhealthy. If that isn’t the case for you, I’m not trying to convince you of that, or pester you with that, or even hold it over your head. I love you for who you are with all of what you carry with you, and in spite of our differences. I accept you and I’ll let Jesus do the changing on you because ultimately isn’t it his job, not mine.

Admitting We Have a Problem

You know how at AA meetings they say the first step is realizing you are an addict. Actually I have never been to one of those meetings, so I don’t know. Maybe it is the first step is admitting you are an addict. Ok, so this doesn’t seem like it is going to be very credible, but hang on for just a second…Follow me… There is something extremely relieving and frustrating about admitting the problem. There is a refreshing feeling because you have identified a problem in your life that has been causing you great strife and frustration or discord; BUT you are about to begin a journey to sobriety that will be extremely difficult and life altering. It will change you! That idea is scary and daunting, and that is why there is some fear and frustration of hitting that problem head on.

Have you ever sat at the back of a church and looked out over the congregation and known where all the liberals sit, and where all the conservatives sit. I remember my teen years were spent attending an octagon shaped sanctuary. It had beautiful pillars that jutted out from the ceiling and connected to the walls in eight different corners of the sanctuary. There was a gorgeous carved canvas of wood that hung in front of an elevated baptistery at the front of the church. It had four symbols of Christ: lion, lamb, vine, and bread. The sanctuary was a proud room where everyone there felt that they owned a piece of wood on the wall or under their toosh. It made for a very interesting place, like a room full of members of the senate. The republicans and democrats all spread throughout the room hoping not to give ground to the opposition because this room was theirs! They would try to pass bills and legislation but there would be a counter argument to sway just enough votes so that nothing would change. If change was a possibility because a member of one of the parties didn’t show up for the vote, a great filibuster would be installed hoping to hold off the vote until they could get enough people to the board room to table the subject.

The funny thing is that I could walk into that church and tell you exactly where everyone would be sitting before I got there. Maybe you know what I’m talking about because your church is the same way. The same Liberal families sit on one side, and the same conservative families sit on the other side. The same splinters of truth show up to board meeting so that they can vote against each other and have nothing change. The same conservative families express great concern for the programs that are just a little too risque. The same liberal families try to clap louder in the sanctuary so that Jesus can hear them better. There is this huge tension that exists. There is a great divide in the room. It’s like there is an unseen being that causes everyone in the church to stay close; because you keep your friends close, but you keep your enemies closer.

I think the problem begins at our beliefs and our valiant attempts to make sure they stay in tact. Unmoved. Unchanged. Unwavering. Stone. This causes a problem with Unity as we bash each other, or conform to the way of separation. We have a problem with Fear. We have a problem with Selfishness. We have a problem with Ego. All these problems are basically because of shame. Before I go explaining this “main problem” that I believe exist and scaring all the older/non-postmodern minds, let me first illustrate using a few examples of exactly the type of problems that we create.

Fake yet Real Story 1:

Tom and Randy are in church school class before the worship service begins. The topic is the return of Jesus Christ (really it could be ANYTHING you want). Tom believes that Jesus will secretly rapture his people to heaven before he returns visibly. Randy believes that Jesus will not perform a secret rapture, but will only return visibly after the church goes through the great tribulation. Let’s say for the purpose of this story that Randy’s belief is more orthodox and in line with what the institution they both belong to believes. As they are discussing this topic it becomes more heated as each believes that his idea is “The Truth!” The rest of the room sometimes is in on the debate, but mostly it is the two men that have taken “their swords” and chopped at each other with strong words like, “you can’t be a part of this church and believe that” and “you shouldn’t be allowed to teach” and “you are so closed minded” and “you don’t even understand the simple things of scripture”. Here is where it get’s good. Randy sits on the board, and when Tom’s name comes up to teach a class for church, Randy objects saying that there are some “serious” issues with Tom’s theology, so Tom never gets an opportunity to be part of the moving body of Christ.

There are so many problems with this. Both guys are scared that the other guy is way off. They are scared that they themselves could be wrong. They are scared that the other might get into the minds of others in the church, or God Forbid…their children. They are trying to divide and sever like a surgeon at work on a tumor. They keep a good eye on each other after that. They know where the other sits in the sanctuary, and if you think for a moment that they are going to do ministry together on purpose, boy are you a whack job. They wouldn’t even invite the other over for lunch….yeah that’s right, they don’t even deserve lunch. In fact they probably don’t eat…no…they aren’t even human…wait, are they a demon in disguise tempting me and trying to get me to falter in my beliefs? Yeah, I heard somewhere that demon’s do stuff like that. Oh wow, I better be careful not to fall into that FALSE belief. My belief must be true! Boy I did a good job standing up for my beliefs! Unchanging. Unwavering. Unmoved. Stone. (inside of course there is the good feeling that comes with “standing up for Jesus”)

Fake yet Real Story 2:

Guy meets girl. Guy likes girl. Guy brings girl to church. Guy never went to church much himself since he got out of school. Guy knows everything like how to dress and what to say and who to stay away from. Girl never went to church before. Girl doesn’t have church clothes. Girl wears small skirt, lots of beautiful makeup, her best jewelry, and high heels. Guy picks up girl but doesn’t want girl to get angry at him for telling her to change (guys you know what I’m talking about). Girl goes to front door where greeter is really nice. Before church ends the truth comes by in the form of a “I’m standing up for Jesus” grey head. Grey head tells girl all the problems with her outer appearance. Girl is embarrassed and angry, but that’s ok, because Grey head feels good for proclaiming the truth! Another victory for the truth. Unchanging. Unwavering. Unmoved. Stone.

I need to get a little more simple with what I’m saying.

Fake yet Real Story 3:

A smoker comes into church struggling with what he should be doing in his life to get closer to God. We tell him to stop smoking instead of telling him how to journey with Jesus. He’s going to feel judged not helped.

Fake yet Real Story 4:

Our children tell us something that they learned that we are SURE is wrong and so we tell them why it is wrong instead of encouraging their journey for truth.

The Main Problem:

Shame. One of my professors in Undergrad said that people more often than not act out of fear of shame than out of their own desires. It is true to me. I see people wear certain clothes because they don’t want to be weird. I see people that act weird because they want to fit in with the weirdos. I see people keep their mouth shut when around someone that knows more because they don’t want to be found wrong. I see people standing up for things that they visibly know is wrong because they have a genuine deep fear of shame that will come from being wrong. It is as if they believe that someone will be standing over them after they admit defeat and laugh in their face or gloat; and all the eyes of the universe will look at them and see them as stupid and unoriginal and just plain wrong. They would rather argue while they have a glimmer of hope at “being right” than bear the shame of being wrong. They would rather chop off the arm of Christ than be wrong. Besides, it feels good to divide. It feels like you are being a martyr for “the truth,” which of course is YOUR truth. Usually martyrdom never had to occur, but rather it was a created situation because people are afraid of shame. Some of the same people that say you shouldn’t base your relationship with Jesus on feelings, base their level at which they have exercised their faith on feelings. Have they pointed out where others are wrong enough recently to have felt that they are right and driven away the possibility of feeling shame. Have they argued against the “other party” enough recently to have their truth become more clearly The Truth.

The Truth:

The truth is that there is Absolute Truth! The truth is also that God is the only one that knows the absolute truth. The truth is that we are scared of the things that we don’t know. The truth is that we are afraid of being wrong. We don’t know how Jesus is going to come back. I know many of us think we do, but if you really are honest with yourself, you will realize that you only know your interpretation of texts 2000 years old in different languages interpreted the best way you can see. This is exactly the same problem that the people that disagree with you have. So the second coming sometimes scares us, and it especially scares us when someone goes acting like it is going to happen some different way than we think that it is. All our beliefs cause us fear because they may not be true, and if they aren’t true then we will have to admit we are wrong, and face……..Shame…… What is going to happen when we get to heaven and God starts pointing out all of the things everyone got right and wrong? Will there be lots of shame? The truth is that our absolute truth is only what we know and choose to believe right now. Are all the people that disagree with us wrong? Who knows. But usually we think they are, and that causes argument and division, instead of conversation and understanding. The truth is that we are much better at dividing ourselves when we “stand up for what we believe” than we are at creating unity. The truth is that “our truth” is a dividing problem. We have a problem.

The first step to being able to take a stand in the right way is admitting that we have this massive problem of division in our hearts and our churches because of our fear of shame.

My Wife's Niece

I was sitting at home staring at my computer when my wife giggled. We share a desk with laptops 6 inches apart. I looked over at her screen. She was watching a video of her 14 month old niece Sadie working on trying to walk. I had to admit that it was cute. We watched like awestruck relatives at this human sapling as she would struggle to stand, wobble on her feet and then attempt the step. She lifted her left foot up and it quickly found the ground again at a 45 degree angle out from her body there was a little wobble, and then she would draaag her right foot to catch up with her body. The music of course set the tone for our laughter as it seemed to be a song built for learning and discovery. She fell over once or twice when she wasn’t sure of herself, or when the tiled ground seemed to shake like an earthquake. Of course she would then stand up and keep trying to walk.

I have read what Paul has written about moving from babies milk to real meat and I love that principal about growing up in the Spirit. Babies grow pretty quickly and they learn pretty quickly and they take big stands pretty quickly. I can’t help but think that soon Sadie will be walking everywhere scaring her parents and sometimes herself. She will eventually will stand near the edge of a cliff and have a new understanding of what it truly means to stand up trying not to let her legs wobble. Paul talked about the need to grow in knowledge of spiritual things, but I think the same is true about how you choose to stand for the knowledge you are growing in. All too often we go from learning to stand on ground level carpet or tiles to using one of those little jumper seats that make babies think they are standing really well; or we grab a pink shopping cart and push it around the room thinking we are standing and walking on our own.

Have you ever met a new Christian on fire for God? Of course you have. You probably know that the fire they have will die out and they will just exist, or they will leave the church. The reasons for this are endless, but let me bend your ear on my own ideas to answer that elusive question… Why? I think the problem is a mathematical one…division.

Frequently new Christians come to their first confrontation and a number of scenarios play out as they are finding their way. Remember, this is their big opportunity to stand up for what they believe.

1. They don’t know enough, so they find some charismatic or non-charismatic face that seems to speak truth, then they make them their personal religious guide. It may not be a particular person, but it could be a religious organization instead. THEN frequently they grow in their guides’ understanding of religion and the Bible. You could say that this is the lens that they begin looking at the world. This gives them a position on the topic which makes them feel good.

2. There are many people that grow in their own personal understanding of scripture because they had no answers to the person confronting them.

3. They make something up that they have to defend forever more because their reputation is locked into it.

4. They feel hurt and leave.

Here is where it gets tricky. If they haven’t left they become more knowledgeable in all the areas they deem important and their position is more usually than not sealed in concrete. The reason we make these ideas concrete is because they become who we are not just an idea that is “currently the best to me”. The ideas become the definition of our friends, our desired change in our family members, and our hope of world change. Then the idea becomes more important than people…I really want to pause and repeat that….Our Idea Becomes More Important Than People.

Our Idea Becomes More Important Than People (Relationships, Conversations, Love)

So often we have conversations that scare us. A person may say something that we never thought of. A person may say something we disagree with. A person may act in such a way that we can’t accept them anymore. A person may become angry for something that someone says. Maybe we end up giving up the fight on what we believe and go running back into the world where we never have to stand for anything else. Maybe we push away others that stand for something different than us instead of admiring them. Most likely we give up on learning from each other. We hold on even tighter to our own views and let the division fall where it may for everyone knows that Christ said that he came to divide.

To me it seems like there are 20 Bible texts about Unity for every 1 that need to Divide.

We all need to learn HOW to stand up for what we believe. We need to learn how to decipher information. We need to learn how to have conversations with people. We need to learn how to be friends and disagree. We need to learn how to judge people without condemning them. We need to learn how to not feel defensive and condemned. We need to learn to accept people in their journey no matter where they are. We need to learn how to give the job of convicting to the Holy Spirit.

We need to learn how to stand up for what we believe like a child that is learning how to stand so that we can become champions on our legs.